Finding the right therapist can be overwhelming. There are so many questions to consider: What approach is right for you? Do they have availability? Do they take your insurance? It can feel impossible to know where to start. You might find yourself scrolling through profiles, reading bios that all sound similar, and wondering how you're supposed to choose someone to trust with your most vulnerable self. Maybe you've started working with a therapist but aren't sure if it's actually helping, or are wondering if this is just how therapy is supposed to feel.

Finding a therapist that's a good fit for you is about finding someone you feel safe with, someone who understands your goals, and someone whose approach resonates with what you want out of therapy. Just like any important relationship in your life, the therapeutic relationship matters—the quality of the relationship between you and your therapist is one of the strongest indicators of positive outcomes in therapy.

You're allowed to be selective, to ask questions, and you're allowed to keep looking if something doesn't feel right.

Why “Fit” Matters

Therapy works best when you feel safe enough to be honest, vulnerable, and present. That sense of safety comes from feeling heard, respected, and understood by your therapist.

Signs your Therapist is a Good Fit

Feeling comfortable being yourself in session
Your therapist understands your goals and values
Their approach and style works for you
You feel heard and validated
Your therapist is genuinely invested in your growth

It's completely normal if it takes a few sessions to figure out whether it's a good fit. Sometimes you need to experience how the therapist works before you can really know. And it's completely okay to try a different therapist if the first one doesn't feel right—this isn't about anyone being "bad" at their job, it's about finding the right match for you.

Questions to Ask When Searching for a Therapist

Whether you're reaching out for a consultation or in your first session, here are some questions that can help you determine if a therapist may be a good fit:

About Their Approach:

What therapeutic approaches or styles do you use?
How do you typically structure sessions?
What does the therapy process look like with you?
How do you measure progress in therapy?

About Their Experience:

Do you have experience working with [your specific concern]?
What populations do you typically work with?
Have you worked with people who share my identity/background/experiences?

About Logistics:

What's your availability?
What are your fees, and do you accept insurance?
What's your cancellation policy?
How do you handle between-session support or crises?

About Collaboration:

How much do you involve clients in treatment planning?
What are your thoughts on the therapist-client relationship?
How do you handle feedback if something isn't working for me?
Are you open to coordinating with other providers I might be seeing?

Trust Your Gut

Beyond these practical questions, pay attention to how you feel during the conversation. Do they listen carefully? Do they seem curious about your experience? Do you feel judged or do you feel seen? Your instincts matter.

Signs Your Therapist is a Good Fit

You might be working with the right therapist if:

You Feel Heard and Validated: Your therapist takes time to understand your perspective and experiences. They don't rush to give advice or minimize what you're going through, and you feel like your concerns are taken seriously.

There's Genuine Warmth and Presence: Your therapist seems genuinely interested in you as a person. They remember details from previous sessions. You feel they care about your wellbeing, not just completing a session.

You Feel Safe: You can share difficult thoughts, feelings, or experiences without fear of judgment. You feel comfortable disagreeing with your therapist or giving feedback about what's working or not working.

They Meet You Where You Are: Your therapist adjusts their approach based on what you need, rather than having a rigid, one-size-fits-all method. They're open to your feedback and willing to adapt.

You're Making Progress: While therapy isn't always linear, you notice changes over time—maybe you're coping better, understanding yourself more deeply, or feeling more equipped to cope with life's challenges.

They Respect Your Autonomy: Your therapist collaborates with you rather than telling you what to do. They support your goals and help you make your own decisions, rather than imposing their own agenda.

They're Culturally Responsive: Your therapist acknowledges and respects your cultural background, identity, and lived experiences. They're willing to examine how systems of oppression and privilege might impact your mental health.

Things to Watch Out For

You consistently feel judged, dismissed, or misunderstood

Your therapist talks about themselves more than they listen to you
They're rigid about their approach and unwilling to adapt
You feel pressured to agree with their perspective
They're defensive when you give feedback
You don't feel comfortable being honest with them
They make assumptions about you based on stereotypes
Sessions feel directionless or like you're not working toward anything

If you're experiencing any of these, it's worth addressing them directly with your therapist. Sometimes these things can be repaired. Other times, it might be a sign to look for a different provider.

What If You're Not Sure?

Therapy can feel awkward at first, especially if you're new to the process. It's normal for the first few sessions to feel a little bit stiff or uncertain as you and your therapist get to know each other. It may be worth giving it a few sessions before making a decision, but it's important to trust yourself if something feels off.

Some questions to ask yourself if you're unsure:

Am I holding back because of normal discomfort with vulnerability, or because I don't feel safe with this person?
Do I feel like my therapist understands what I'm working toward?
Am I noticing any positive shifts, even small ones?
Would I feel comfortable bringing up concerns about our work together?

You're Allowed to Switch Therapists

If you realize your current therapist isn't the right fit, it's okay to make a change. You don't need to justify your decision or continue working with someone who isn't meeting your needs. Many therapists will actually appreciate your honesty, and may even help connect you with someone who might be a better fit. Advocating for yourself and your needs is even part of the therapeutic process!

Final Thoughts

Finding the right therapist is worth the effort. Therapy is an investment in yourself, and you deserve to work with someone who sees you, supports you, and helps you move toward a life you want to live.

If you're thinking about starting therapy or looking for a better fit, we encourage you to reach out. Ask questions, trust your instincts, and remember that you're looking for your therapist.

How to Know if Your Therapist is a Good Fit